Comments about parenting screening, for perspective.

Some conversation about my last post, that I thought should be on here to follow up and round out the subject from more perspectives. These comments came when I shared the post on a social networking site and got some feedback.

Ivana Deletis i have to play devils advocate: what about same-sex couples that want to be parents? they cannot meet some of your qualifications (gay dad's breastfeeding adopted infant?) so should they be denied the experience of parenting?

Ani Glaser

Oh my gosh, Ivana. You are right. The Psychology chapter that this was based on is mostly about prenatal development, so I was totally thinking of people getting screened who are trying to get pregnant. Of course adoptive parents of any g...ender and sexual orientation would have to have a different screening criteria. For one thing, the birth scenario would be non-applicable to the adoptive parents, and although men are actually able to stimulate milk production, and do in some cases (usually in other cultures), it is clearly not the norm. Also, I am aware that some women attempt to breastfeed, but cannot for various medical reasons. I guess in these cases that a good idea is to either have a wet nurse, or some access to a milk bank,so that all babies, even adopted ones can have the health benefits of breast milk, which are superior to formula. It would be helpful if there was more of a market for the sales and donations of expressed milk, for use by others who need it. I think that the FDA might get all worried about this, and go crazy with regulations, but I have always thought that with some of us producing so dang much milk (and needing a source of cash flow by the way), that we could spread the wealth of our baby juice, and get some reimbursement for it...for the good of all.

Evelyn Van Maren how about screening them before they ever have intercourse? i'm mostly talking about the pubescent males here. most mothers, when not under duress, can parent beautifully without any cues

Nico Swan

Personally I've never seen or heard of a parent parenting beautifully w/o becoming familiar with the cues from baby.
I am a parent (was a teen parent), I am a step parent, I've been a nanny. In every age & situation that I've experienced wit...h children it has required reading cues.

Elise McGiverin

I have typed and erased, typed an erased trying not to sound rude in my response. I think you can be a wonderful parent and raise wonderful kids without any of these things. I was induced... With drugs... Twice... In a hospital (gasp). I ha...ve nursed all 3 of my children and still am my almost 2 year old. My children are healthy and happy and not too screwed up;)
I think you can make it work with your circumstances, whatever they are! To say someone should be screened and not qualify to be a great parents if they don't nurse, don't have a natural birth etc is pretty harsh.
There is so much pressure on mothers today, some people arnt able to do all the things listed an have very haelthy happy children!!
My two cents! :D
Sorry for grammer punctuation errors, using my phone to post.

Ani Glaser

Sister Elise,
I think you are a wonderful parent. I really believe that. This assignment was completely hypothetical for my class, asking if there was a law to screen people, what would my choice for the criteria be?- I would never actuall...y take away a person's rights to parent, even if it was my choice to make a law. If I were to screen, I would rather screen in order to see in what ways people need education and/or support to be the best parents they can be. My opinion on the screening process and it's ethics or appropriateness is a whole separate assignment that I have to complete and turn in today. Maybe I should post it as follow up, since I probably made a lot of people mad with this one. I am very sorry if you are offended. I do have strong beliefs about negative effects that common hospital practices have on the births of babies, and on mothers. Some of the things they do can really mess with a mother's ability to attach as easily, as well as lead to some sensory issues in children, later. Not all people who undergo these procedures suffer from the problems, but many do. I am so happy that you were able to easily bond with your babies and breastfeed. I was scared when you got induced, because I wanted your babies to be fully ripe and ready, and I am so happy that your children are healthy and well adjusted. I love you and them. My main point in writing from the stance that I did on this paper, is because in my teaching position, I have seen some fairy poor situations, and unhealthy kids/families, stemming from some or all of these issues. Because of this, I have pretty serious opinions on it.

To qualify to be a parent

I'm posting psychology homework again. It's because the subject material is stuff that I really actually care quite a bit about. Isn't it great when you can study what you love. Too bad my professor is completely incompetent and a pain in my _____. That is a whole separate subject that I won't go further into. Ahem. This assignment involved imagining that the law required people to be screened for certain criteria before allowing them to parent. I was to author an essay explaining the importance and validity of my criteria, and present a screening form. The practicalities and ethics of an actual parental screening process and requirement is very debateable, but for the fun of imagining, here is mine:

For my parenting screening form, I chose to screen for influences that create well being for a child starting in the womb, as well as into infancy and childhood. For the first one, I chose to screen for mothers who have access to, education about and a commitment to the pursuit of good nutrition. Nutrition is one key factor that decides the health of the newborn, as well as determining a person’s lifetime of health. Poor nutrition, as well as any drastic change in nutrition, or simply too much of certain kinds of bad nutrition in the mother can cause her baby to have insufficient or excessive birth weight, and can have long term effects on blood sugar, metabolism and cardiovascular health, among other concerns. Research has shown that “any abnormality in the intra-uterine environment can be detrimental to fetal growth. Failure to supply the adequate amount of nutrients to meet fetal demand, for example due to maternal malnutrition…leads to fetal undernourishment. [Also,] a decrease in maternal food intake leads to a fall in the concentrations of fetal insulin, the IGF-1 (insulin like growth factor-1) and glucose, causing reduced transfer of amino acids and glucose across the placenta, ultimately reducing the rate of fetal growth. Metabolic programming is thought to occur, for example the fetus prepares to store nutrients as fat in anticipation of poor postnatal nutrition…Subsequently it was shown that there is a strong and inverse relationship between birth weight and blood pressure, which is a major cardiovascular risk factor. High level of maternal dietary fat intake during pregnancy increases the incidence of cardiovascular risk factors in children. To date, the origins of many diseases in adulthood are thought to lie in fetal life (1).”

The second influence that I think is important is abstinence from drugs and harmful chemicals during pregnancy. Many substances in our work environments, social environments, and those that we ingest regularly and occasionally have drastic effects on a baby, and some of those effects, such as fetal alcohol syndrome, are irreversible, causing abnormality to the child for their lifetime. “A woman's drug use can affect both her fetus and her newborn. Most drugs cross the placenta--the organ that provides nourishment to the fetus. Some can cause direct toxic (poisonous) effects and drug dependency in the fetus. After birth, some drugs can be passed to the baby through breast-feeding(2).”

Also considered to be a drug, but in a whole separate category of it’s own would be a screening for smoking. In order to be healthy, babies need to breathe smoke free air. As basic and obvious as that may seem, it is unfortunately not a universally given right. That is why I think that parental smoking should not be permitted, and smoking should be restricted around pregnant women and babies. Smoking exposure in utero has been known to retard growth and brain development, impair breathing after birth, increase the likelihood of prematurity, and increase the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (5).

Something that has not always been a mainstream choice, but in my opinion is necessary for the absolute well being of a child is for a mother to choose to have a natural (ideally home) birth. In our medical system, birth has come to be seen as a medical issue rather than a natural, healthy process. Doctors are scheduling births to accommodate their personal vacation schedules rather than the biological clock of the unborn baby. Cesarean section rates are ever increasing, much to the detriment of infants and mothers alike, and are largely brought on by drugs like pitocin and epidurals, that get in the way of normal labor rather than helping it proceed. I believe that a major shift toward natural birth is needed for the birth healthier babies, and is the ticket to a healthier larger society in the long run. “Four major hormonal systems are active during labor and birth. These involve oxytocin, the hormone of love; endorphins, hormones of pleasure and transcendence; epinephrine and norepinephrine, hormones of excitement; and prolactin, the mothering hormone. These systems are common to all mammals and originate in our mammalian or middle brain, also known as the limbic system. For birth to proceed optimally, this part of the brain must take precedence over the neocortex, or rational brain. This shift can be helped by an atmosphere of quiet and privacy, with, for example, dim lighting and little conversation, and no expectation of rationality from the laboring woman. Under such conditions a woman intuitively will choose the movements, sounds, breathing, and positions that will birth her baby most easily. This is her genetic and hormonal blueprint. All of these systems are adversely affected by current birth practices. Hospital environments and routines are not conducive to the shift in consciousness that giving birth naturally requires. A woman's hormonal physiology is further disturbed by practices such as induction, the use of painkillers and epidurals, caesarean surgery, and separation of mother and baby after birth(3).” Additionally, I have long suspected, that a child’s birth scenario is something that sticks with him or her, creating a whole array of physiological and psychological conditions that may positively or negatively impact future life. In speaking to teachers and others in the medical community, I know that this is a common theory.

Hand in hand with natural birth, and the discussion of the mother’s body’s ability to produce helpful hormones for the health of her and her baby, comes the benefit of breastfeeding one’s baby. “Oxytocin is made in the hypothalamus, the "master gland" deep in our brains, and stored in the posterior pituitary, from where it is released in pulses…[for many functions including breast] milk ejection, or let-down reflex, in breastfeeding… The baby also produces oxytocin during labor, perhaps even initiating labor, so, in the minutes after birth, both mother and baby are bathed in an ecstatic cocktail of hormones. At this time ongoing oxytocin production is enhanced by skin-to-skin and eye-to-eye contact and by the baby's first suckling…During the months and years of lactation, oxytocin continues to keep the mother relaxed and well nourished. One researcher calls it "a very efficient antistress situation which prevents a lot of disease later on." In her study, mothers who breastfed for more than seven weeks were calmer than mothers who did not(4).” According to this information, breastfeeding alone will produce a happier, better adjusted mother, which is vital to good parenting, and well adjustment of a child.

My final stipulation for clearing a parent to produce and raise a healthy child is a parent’s commitment to bond with, attach to and comfort their baby, as well as provide a calm, gentle home environment. Beyond, physical health and nutrition, I think that the most important part of parenting a healthy child is a great ability to nurture and provide an emotionally healthy home life. This involves listening to the baby’s cues and fulfilling needs, or just holding, even if you don’t know what the need is. Many parents, especially in past generations believe that this kind of availability to a baby is spoiling. Modern thinkers disagree, saying that a baby cannot be spoiled. “But there is no doubt that repeated lack of responsiveness to a baby’s cries—even for only five minutes at a time—is potentially damaging to the baby’s mental health. Babies who are left to cry it out alone may fail to develop a basic sense of trust or an understanding of themselves as a causal agent, possibly leading to feelings of powerlessness, low self-esteem, and chronic anxiety later in life. The cry-it-out approach undermines the very basis of secure attachment, which requires prompt responsiveness and sensitive attunement during the first year after birth (6).” Additionally, parents need to be unconditionally patient and in control of themselves. As difficult as this may sound, it is one of the more challenging but non-negotiable job prerequisites. When parents lose their cool with children, it can be devastating to the child, and repeated bouts of this behavior cause lasting damage. “Yelling is not an acceptable form of discipline because it is not discipline. Yelling falls under the category of punishment… Discipline is calm, and gentle. Discipline has a nurturing tone of voice. Discipline teaches through communication. When a parent disciplines a child for acting unacceptably they are teaching their child why the behavior is unacceptable, not just that it is. A child who is disciplined is never yelled at. They are not scolded or reprimanded. They are not called names or insulted. They are not made to feel shamed or belittled. Yelling makes children feel all of those things. Yelling makes good kids feel like bad kids. A child who is disciplined is talked to and with, not ever at. Yelling at your kids can both scare and scar them. The long-term effects of yelling include poor self image and esteem, lack of self control, impulsiveness, anger and temperament issues, lack of patience, and mental childhood issues. Also, parents who yell at their children often will most likely have children that yell at their children (7).” It is so important that we parent well, because as we parent our babies, we are teaching them how to parent theirs, and the cycle continues, building healthy communities or dysfunctional ones, depending on the ways in which children are or are not cared for.
Sources:
1) http://www.biochemsoctrans.org/bst/034/0779/0340779.pdf
2) http://www.addictionca.com/drug-use-pregnancy.htm
3) http://mothering.com/pregnancy-birth/ecstatic-birth-the-hormonal-blueprint-of-labor
4) http://mothering.com/pregnancy-birth/ecstatic-birth-the-hormonal-blueprint-of-labor
5) http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t105800.asp
6) http://mothering.com/parenting/crying-for-comfort
7) http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/430938/damages_and_effects_caused_by_yelling.html?cat=25



Parenting Screening Form

1. Nutrition
a. Please create a detailed journal of your typical eating habits for one normal week. Write a description of what you think is involved in maternal nutrition in order to grow a well baby.
b. Do you have easy access to all of the ingredients, supplements and supplies in order to consume this healthy diet?
c. Is it important to you to follow this diet closely, and is there anything that you need in order to be supported in doing so?
d. Are you willing to seek nutritional counseling?

2. Drugs and chemical exposure.
a. Do you currently, and have you ever used any prescription or other drugs occasionally or habitually? Which ones?
b. Please explain what you know about drug use during pregnancy, and the effects that can be experienced by the baby.
c. Please explain what you know about chemical exposure during pregnancy and the effects that can be experienced by the baby.
d. What drugs, if any, do you think you might use during pregnancy?
e. How will you avoid chemical exposure during your pregnancy?

3. Smoking
a. Do you smoke tobacco?
b. Do you spend time in the presence of others who smoke?
c. Do you understand the risks of smoke and second hand smoke to unborn and born babies?
d. Do you have a plan for eliminating smoke exposure during pregnancy? Please explain.

4. Birth plan
a. Where do you intend to birth your baby?
b. Do you intend to utilize medications for pain or to promote your laboring efforts during your baby’s birth?
c. Do you know about the role that natural hormones play in facilitating the labor process and helping both mother and baby through the birth process and beyond? If so, do you about the effects of labor drugs on these hormone levels?
d. How do you view birth?
A- a joyful and natural process
B- a medical process requiring intervention
C- empowering
D- terrifying
E- other: please elaborate

5. Feeding plan
Do you plan to breastfeed your baby? If so, for how long do you intend to breastfeed? Do you think that you would need instruction or support in order to do so, successfully?


6. Attachment, comfort and yelling
a. Do you believe that crying babies should be held?
b. Do you think it is important for a parent to bond with their baby?
c. What does the term “bonding” mean to you?
d. In what way(s) do you intend to bond with your baby?
e. Do you tend to raise your voice when you are upset?
f. Do you think that raising your voice is an effective way to discipline your child?
g. Do you think that raising your voice is an effective way to communicate with your child?
h. Do you think that raising your voice is an acceptable way to speak to your child?
i. What (if any) ways do you use to steer away from angry reactions?

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Theories of Child Development

I know I'm getting awfully academic on this blog, lately, but I don't have time for anything but academia, and I spend so much time thinking and writing about it, that I might as well put it here. Don't worry, the Winter break is soon approaching, so I will have a chance to lighten up and stop pondering academia soon. Aren't ya glad? Anyhow, here is an assignment that I just completed for my never ending Psyc class. Be glad I'm not posting math- that would put you even more to sleep.

The question from my instructor:
Before posting to this forum, you need to complete the Developmental Issues Questionnaire and note your answers to the 5 questions. For this forum, look at that pattern of answers and describe which developmental theory is the best match among Freud's psychoanalytic theory, Piaget's cognitive-developmental theory, Skinner's learning theory, Bandura's learning theory, and contextual/systems theory this includes Brofenbrenner and Vygotsky), and explain why you think this theory is the best match. For your reply, choose a post which includes a pattern of responses for which you might have chosen a different match, and explain why. I am looking for a clear understanding of the theories, an ability to accurately translate those theories into associated beliefs about development, and clear appropriate communication of ideas to me and your fellow students.

My response:

Developmental Issues Questionnaire

1. Children are
b. neither inherently good nor inherently bad.

2. Biological influences (heredity, maturation) & environmental influences (culture, parenting styles, learning experiences) are thought to contribute to development. Overall,
d. environmental factors contribute somewhat more than biological factors.

3. People are basically
b. passive beings whose characteristics are molded either by social influences (parents and other significant people, outside events) or by biological changes outside their control.

4. Development proceeds
a. through stages, so that the individual changes rather abruptly into quite a different kind of person than he or she was in an earlier stage.

5. When we compare the development of individuals, we see
a. many similarities; children and adults develop along universal paths and experience similar changes at similar ages.


It was hard for me to claim subscription to one of the listed development theories, because I found either conflict or insufficiency within each of the theorists/theories listed. I have undergone training as a Waldorf early childhood educator, and most of my child development ideas line up with the teachings of Rudolf Steiner, an Austrian philosopher who founded Waldorf Education in the 1900’s. He attempted to find “a synthesis between science and mysticism…a connection between the cognitive path of Western philosophy and the inner and spiritual needs of the human being (1).” He shared a view with Geothe, that, “Thinking … is no more and no less an organ of perception than the eye or ear. Just as the eye perceives colours and the ear sounds, so thinking perceives ideas (1).” Steiner was not listed as an option, for a theory choice on this assignment, and so I looked for some commonality between my own opinions largely based on Steiner’s teachings, and some, but not all of the principles in most of the theories listed on this forum topic.

At first, I thought that Skinner’s idea, that the nature of reaction to stimulus in our environment is a major source of teaching, sounded correct. “Changes in behavior are the result of an individual's response to events (stimuli) that occur in the environment. A response produces a consequence such as defining a word, hitting a ball, or solving a math problem.(2)” I know also, that positive reinforcement is vital in the form of encouragement for children. Looking deeper though, I realized that I do not agree with Skinner’s objective of positive reinforcement, completely. Although I do think that it is vital to praise children and let them know when they have done well, the way that Skinner lays out the idea of reinforcement seems artificial to me. “Reinforcement is the key element in Skinner's S-R theory. A reinforcer is anything that strengthens the desired response. It could be verbal praise, a good grade or a feeling of increased accomplishment or satisfaction. The theory also covers negative reinforcers -- any stimulus that results in the increased frequency of a response when it is withdrawn (different from adversive stimuli -- punishment -- which result in reduced responses). A great deal of attention was given to schedules of reinforcement (e.g. interval versus ratio) and their effects on establishing and maintaining behavior.(2)” I think it is important for children to learn from natural consequences of their actions. If we attempt to have a set-up where we control the consequences and timing of response to what they do, then they are not learning from what REALLY goes on in the world as a result of their actions, and it is not authentic learning. I think Skinner’s methods would be better used for training dogs, as it is more about training or programming, than actual learning.

I noticed that I agree with a great deal of Piaget’s assertions, for example, the idea that “children are born curious and that their cognitive development [is] unfolded as a result of their interaction with objects in the world, such as eggs, clay, sponges, and cats (4, p. 419)”. I think that children thrive when they are allowed to explore with their senses, taking in the world around them. I especially liked Piaget’s theories about distinct stages of development, and the need to teach to those stages, for developmental appropriate learning that does not push ahead, beyond readiness. Piaget’s principles are as follows:

“1. Children will provide different explanations of reality at different stages of cognitive development.

2. Cognitive development is facilitated by providing activities or situations that engage learners and require adaptation (i.e., assimilation and accommodation).

3. Learning materials and activities should involve the appropriate level of motor or mental operations for a child of given age; avoid asking students to perform tasks that are beyond their current cognitive capabilities.

4. Use teaching methods that actively involve students and present challenges.(3)”

Still, I did not find Piaget’s developmental stages to be as complete as those of Steiner, where a more holistic development in which the cognitive works interactively with the rest of the body and spirit to grow healthfully, and seven year cycles of change and maturation are addressed. Also, Piaget’s ideas about “interactions with the world” seemed to include mostly objects. They lacked sufficient inclusion the vitally important world of family, friends and caregivers.

This lack led me to look into the concept of Observational learning, where learning takes place by watching the actions of others. Bandura thought that, “in all societies, appropriate social behavior is passed on from generation to generation largely through observation. The rituals and behaviors that are a part of our culture are acquired by each new generation, not only through deliberate training of the young but also through young people observing the patterns of behaviors of their elders (4, p.243)”. This social learning, is what I have been taught to use in my teaching, and is known as modeling. “Bandura identified three basic models of observational learning:

1. A live model, which involves an actual individual demonstrating or acting out a behavior.
2. A verbal instructional model, which involves descriptions and explanations of a behavior.
3. A symbolic model, which involves real or fictional characters displaying behaviors in books, films, television programs, or online media.(5)”
I agree with demonstrating behavior, and storytelling is of huge use as a symbolic model (although films, televisions and online media are in my opinion, damaging to developing children), but the verbal instruction model might be better for older, more developed children, or adults. When working with small children, I have seen evidence that all but the most brief and simple verbal instruction is ineffective. In fact, even putting instruction into a song is more helpful. Excessive talk/instruction actually freezes up healthy creativity and physical activity, as the “thinking forces” are brought too early and too suddenly up into the head. Little children are more alive in their limbs and their imaginings, and that is just how they should be, with no early, harsh awakenings. Imitation of others, though, and learning through imaginative storytelling that can enter into their already imaginative minds, is ideal for learning and development.

Another theorist, Vygotsky, thought that “cognitive development was largely the result of the child’s interaction with members of his or her own culture rather than his or her interaction with objects”. He thought “at any age, a child was capable of acquiring a wide-but nonetheless bounded-range of skills”, and he called this range the child’s “zone of proximal development…of course, the ability to learn from others requires fundamental communicative skills that take time to develop (4, p.419).” I am not sure if my interpretation is correct, but I am imagining that his idea of “proximal development”, is somewhat in alignment with Steiner’s ideas of intellectual readiness. According to my teacher trainers who follow Steiner, although a child may have many capabilities, and much intelligence and capacity, he may not be ready to develop a certain cognitive skill. Again, it is best from a “whole child” perspective, to wait until certain other parts of them are ready, such as social development, and a grounding of the mind, which was previously floating completely in fantasy. Once these aspects are complete, we can bring the intellect more fully into a challenge. I really like Vygotsky’s ideas about interpersonal connection being vital to learning from another human. People imitate the behaviors of those with whom they have a personal connection, such as a mother, teacher or sibling.

Principles:

1. Cognitive development is limited to a certain range at any given age.

2. Full cognitive development requires social interaction (6).

Still, these theories, as compelling as they are, do not bring to light the biological factors along with the cultural and interpersonal influences that impact development. Although I think that environmental factors contribute somewhat more than biological factors in human development, both are present and must be considered. I have never appreciated the curriculum, or the environment that I have seen and experienced at the very popular “Head Start” child development centers. It surprised me completely to find that the theorist that suited my opinions the most closely, was the founder of this program. So finally, I must say that I agree the most, with Bronfenbrenner’s bioecological systems theory. “The interactions between factors in the child’s maturing biology, his immediate family/community environment, and the societal landscape fuels and steers his development. Changes or conflict in one layer will ripple through outer layers.(7)” He talks about a microsystem (family, school and neighborhood), the mesosystem (connections, such as between teacher and parents), the exosystem (greater community), and the chronosystem (timing of life happenings and environmental changes). These systems effect the child incrementally in that order and the systems have bi-directional influences, meaning that they effect the child and the child also effects them. Brofenbrenner emphasizes quality and context of environmental influences, recognizing that needs and influences chance with age and development. He sees that society has undergone damage from an increase in technology, and that family life is suffering. This suffering comes largely from instability and unpredictability of family life, and is destructive to healthy child development. Long term relationships are the most important ingredient for healthy development.

I doubt that my answers to the questionnaire are a sufficient link to understanding why I agree with this particular developmental theory. My connection with this is more than what the questions revealed. For example, the emphasis on stability and predictability are some of my stronger beliefs about what children need. Ritual, rhythm and repetition are like a mantra for Waldorf Early Childhood Educators. It is so important for children to feel safe within a framework of predictable life that they can depend on. Only within the arms of this security, can they find the resources, to branch out and learn about the further world. This is why the first system, the microsystem is by far the most influential to development. This is where the predictable, safe, life can be created, so that the outer systems are not overwhelming, but rather engaging from a distance. Additionally, the second system, the mesosystem, where the child can be supported by the relationships around her that relate back to her own life, are deeply important. The child will feel open to her experience of school, if the parents have a good relationship with the teachers that the child is in the care of. Finally, the idea of technology being a destructive force to development is a strongly ingrained principle that I go by. I absolutely believe that small children have no business with television, movies and computers, and that those media influences are deadening to creativity and learning, and overwhelming and destructive to the immature nervous and sensory systems. Also, on a larger level, technology has not been healthy for “real” relationships between people, which so importantly effect a child’s development. The world of the workforce has been negatively impacted by technology, as well. It has partially caused long work hours, and intense demands on parents who should be relating to their children, not spending all of their hours attempting to work both from work and home, which are all too often one and the same.

Sources:
1) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rudolf_Steiner
2) http://tip.psychology.org/skinner.html
3) http://tip.psychology.org/piaget.html
4) Psychology, Schacter, Gilbert, Wagner
5) http://psychology.about.com/od/developmentalpsychology/a/sociallearning.htm
6) http://tip.psychology.org/vygotsky.html
7) http://pt3.nl.edu/paquetteryanwebquest.pdf

Caffeine

Caffeine Journal
-A four day study of self stimulation, assigned by my Psychology class.
11/18/2010
Today I was exhausted. I awoke early to an emotional phone call from my ex-husband, after three sleepless nights in a row with my baby. He is teething, but also he has been sick with a fever and vomiting. He hasn’t slept more than one hour and fifteen minutes at a time in the last few days and nights. Needless to say, my requirement for completing schoolwork does not let up at all during difficult family circumstances, and so I just have to pull myself up by my bootstraps and keep going. I was so sad today, from various aspects that are going drastically wrong in my relationship, and from recalling memories of my baby who died years ago (yesterday was the anniversary of her death day), that I didn’t quite feel like waking up. I allowed myself to remain in a fog through the morning, and didn’t choose to partake of caffeine. After driving my daughter to school, and feeling quite unsafe on the road due to my lack of alertness and mental clarity, I came home and drank some kombucha. It was about 8 ounces, and has 24 mg of caffeine. This helped me to take care of the baby in a reasonably lively manner, and get through most of the day, although I wasn’t feeling at all well adjusted. Later, after I put all of the children to bed, I made a weak cup of yerba mate tea, to help me stay awake to complete the dream forum post. I was careful to keep it weak so I wouldn’t get insomnia later. It was probably 30 mg of caffeine.

Total caffeine for the day: 54mg.

11/19/2010
It is Friday, and on this day every week, I work a volunteer shift, cashiering at the Grower’s Market, which is a great community place, as well as a source of very affordable natural food for my family. Today I woke up feeling even more exhausted and sad than I did yesterday. I was feeling really discouraged about my Psychology grade, my relationship issues were worse, the baby had again kept me up through 4AM, and I was in no mood to work with the public. I grabbed my trusty strawberry-kiwi kombucha tea from the fridge (I brew and ferment it myself, so it is a staple), a strawberry-kiwi fruited jar of it for breakfast, and drove myself to the market. Once there, I was happy that I had the 30mg of caffeine from the kombucha, because not only did I have to deal with the public, but the very young public. 17 little people and their parents were touring the Grower’s Market for a parent-child pre-school co-op field trip. I managed a plastic smile, gulped down my drink and rang up a lot of grapes, carrots and bananas. I got through the morning, did my shopping, returned home, nursed the baby, made lunch and begged the kid’s Dad to give me some study time. He did, so I brewed myself some hot chai tea with creamy, whole raw milk from the local farm that I love to buy my milk from, and honey. That probably contained about 47 mg, of caffeine. I hunkered down with my psychology book, and began reading so that I could be ready to compose the next forum post about drugs, despite great tiredness. After a couple of hours the kids returned. I tried again that night after children’s bed time, and ate a Rice Dream frozen bar with chocolate coating –probably equal to a quarter of a square of dark chocolate, so I’ll call it 5.5 mg of caffeine. This doesn’t keep me awake. It is just my current favorite treat that doesn’t have any refined sweeteners, which I am avoiding. I didn’t get very far with schoolwork, hopping up and down frequently because the baby just wouldn’t sleep for me (notice the reoccurring theme- if this was a dream, I’d have to call it symbolic). I ended up passing out in my uncomfortable clothing, and sleeping like that all night (left the living room lights and computer on and running, darn it!), because I just couldn’t drag myself up again, without waking him.

Total caffeine for the day: 82.5 mg.

11/20/2010
Saturday is a day bustling with kid activity. The house was a mess, because I had been neglecting it in an effort to keep up with school (not entirely effective, but a valiant and exhausting effort). Therefore, I kept breakfast and lunch simple: yogurt with fresh raspberries and hemp seeds, hibiscus-mint kombucha tea with 30 mg. of caffeine, and then tuna salad sandwiches with corn chips. I worked on the mountain of dirty dishes for a few hours between attending to the needs of all of the children. Finally around 3PM, I decided study time was dire enough to fork out money for childcare. I asked my eldest to baby-sit for a couple of hours, and took off to sit in peace at the Humble Bagel bakery, to try to finish reading a chapter of my textbook. I ordered a power muffin, baked full of protein, spirulina and other vegan goodness to nibble. I also decided on a steaming, frothy cup of Oregon Chai Latte. (Yes, I went for a rare, small dose of some beverage sweetened with dehydrated cane juice- this is the third time since August that I have not been perfectly disciplined on the sugar thing, but I generally do pretty well. Cold weather and moodiness is making it harder to abstain, lately, along with the general limitations of the bakery drink menu). Oregon Chai is listed with a caffeine content of 33mg. Later that evening, I found that I still craved my evening Rice Dream frozen treat, despite the earlier sugar intake. In fact it might have made the craving worse. So, the chocolate dipped deliciousness of it, qualified as another 5.5 mg. of caffeine. I stayed up until 2:30AM working on school projects, but managed to stay away from any further caffeine intake. After all, I do tend to know when enough is enough.

Total caffeine for the day: 68.5 mg.

11/21/2010
Sunday morning found me alone with two children instead of four, because the ten year old was off at a sleepover, the teenager was in bed until nearly noon, and the significant other (momentary questioning of the use of this term to describe him, in light of recent troubles and doubts, but left it for lack of a better term) was off meditating at the Zendo. The kitchen was actually navigable. I made a sizeable batch of gluten free raspberry-flax pancakes. Everyone in the family slowly trickled home and out of bed, by noon, and I went out for the afternoon with my son, to see a ballet at the Hult Center. We stopped at Capella market for some food-stampable “eating out”, before our ballet date, and I grabbed a bottle of Columbia Gorge Chocolate Protein Smoothie to fill my belly and keep my sleepy eyes alert for the performance. I should have done the same for the boy child, who had to be elbowed awake twice during the ballet after his previous sleepover. I don’t know how to rate the protein drink, but it is probably comparable to chocolate milk, so I will call it 7.5 mg. of caffeine. It did the trick, the ballet was a rare and wonderful escape , and a beautiful thing to behold. Later that evening, I drank some more Kombucha, this time the elderberry-lavender flavor, modestly loaded with 30 mg. of caffeine- I have quite the habit going, along with my usual Rice Dream treat, with it’s extra 5.5 mg. of caffeine.

Total caffeine for the day: 43 mg.

11/22/2010
Monday brought some angst around my plan to go visit my Psychology professor and ask about my grade and talk about some concerns. It is an online class, so having never met her, I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t need any caffeine, as I was already jumpy from emotions. The meeting turned out well, as I had a better grade than I had previously been told, and had not missed anything. The day wore on uneventfully, and I took a few evening hours to review for my exam, and begin to type out this very journal. With a blueberry Kombucha (30 mg. caffeine) in one hand and a Rice Dream, chocolate coated treat (5.5 mg. caffeine) in the other, I tried to get serious about school. If you haven’t already guessed what happened next, you will not be surprised to hear that baby woke up continuously, with every attempt at productivity. I ended up laying beside him in bed, nursing by the light of my laptop computer at 3AM, in determination to get this assignment done, and be test ready. Low and behold, the baby won. He sat up awake, began to “help me type”, pushed the wrong button, shutting the whole machine down, and then continued to play and offer me smooches on the lips, which made me smile even at 3:30 in the morning. I gave up on schoolwork. I begrudgingly woke up at 7AM to attempt to pick up where I left off, but alas, guess whose eyes popped open? So now it is…
11/23/2010 yesterday I had a daily caffeine total of: 35.5 mg.
I am sitting at the table working on this journal, which is due today. Working all the way up to the deadline always makes me terribly anxious, but this time, I didn’t have a choice. I am ignoring all of my children who are home due to a snow day, which in Oregon means a light dusting on the ground and some icy road conditions (I used to live in Colorado, so I find this to be silly.) Although the kids are noisy and messy, they are thankfully entertaining each other for a while, so luckily I am able to half-focus on pumping this assignment out. Having just ingested a yummy cup of agave sweetened hot cocoa, at double the strength of commercial hot cocoa, I probably have about 10 mg. of caffeine in my system. I feel barely able to compute the thoughts that I am typing, partly thanks to the energy from some glorious sun that just began flooding the windows. I am guessing that the ice and snow is pretty nearly a recent memory by now, at only two o’clock in the afternoon. This is no Colorado, I must repeat. I doubt that this is the end of my caffeine intake today, because I haven’t had ANY kombucha yet, and the day is still young, with much studying remaining to be done. The testing lab is closed today because of the snow, which is good, because I wasn’t ready anyway. Better luck tomorrow, I hope.

The assignment inquired of me, Are you surprised (worried?) about how much caffeine you are ingesting? For comparison, a fatal dose is 5000mg in a short time, physical dependence begins at 350mg per day, and average consumption among undergraduates is 1068.5 mg/day. Writing this, I have been surprised at how consistently I consume caffeine. I really, rarely go a day without it. I know that there might be some negative health effects, such as exhausting of the adrenal glands, irritability, anxiety and mood disorders. I wonder if this is part of why I have been feeling low, lately. If so, it is a terrible cycle, because those low moods cause caffeine cravings, as well. I tend to use caffeine for brain clarity, but I now know that this is counterproductive. In fact, I was disturbed to read that caffeine can actually decrease blood flow to the brain. I might re-think the pre-test caffeine drink from now on. Caffeine is unhealthy for the immune system, which explains partly why college students seem to be continuously ill. I also did not previously know that caffeine can cause weight gain, due to a roller coaster of insulin levels in the body. It can prevent the absorption of nutrients, and cause a whole array of health problems. I also worry about how much caffeine makes it into my breast milk, which my baby drinks. So yes, I am a bit worried. Sadly, I am more surprised about the statistics of how much caffeine other students consume. I feel that my own intake is a little bit problematic, but I cannot imagine how a person could function with over 1000 mg. of caffeine in their bodies each day. My own average, according to this week’s sample of days, is only 48.9 mg., although that might be a hair low, because today is only calculated after a half day. I really don’t know why people feel that they need to maintain such a high caffeine intake. If I can manage all A’s in my classes while sleeping irregularly and parenting four children, on around 50 mg. a day, I think that the average student could do it on under 100 mg. for sure. I am blown away. Looking further at statistics, it turns out that the average adult in the US and Canada (not only students) consume just under 250 mg. This is better than the student average, but still, exceedingly high. I am thankful that I am conscious of my own caffeine consumption, and that I care about preventative health care. I am thankful as well, for what seemed once like a stroke of bad luck, but turned out to be a blessing. I am allergic to coffee. This fact alone, keeps me always seeking alternative cups of stimulation, that are often more health inducing and lower in caffeine content.

Information sources:

http://www.wisegeek.com/how-much-caffeine-is-consumed-by-the-average-person.htm
http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Caffeine-Can-Affect-Your-Health&id=101557

November

I best not be driving anymore today.
I scared four people on the way to my daughter's school an hour late.
I wasn't speeding, only making poor choices.
Poor choices. The words echo.
Tired from late nights with my baby two in a row now.
As I lay with his fevered head against my chest,
I noticed the contrast from the feeling of cold-
her dead head against me.
Twelve years ago on that very night.
And I marvel at how people I love come and go on this long, terrible night,
making a mental note to call my friend,
to wish her a blessed day of birth.
I want to hug her more than anything,
and then I feel bad because it's more for me than her.
I said to her, "Is today your birthday?",
stupid, as if it isn't ingrained in my head by now,
but each year I have a bit of doubt...
maybe it wasn't on the EXACT same day that Luca went.
Listening to the same song over and over for two days
because I can pretend that it's being sung to me.
I send it to share with someone else who looked a little sad the other night.
Misery loves- needs? company.
That is the nature of November.
When all of the neighbors seem irritating or hostile,
and all I long to do is leave this place.
Even though the sun is finally shining this morning
I can't warm up because what he does chills me.
Habits are stronger than vows, I suppose.
Damn November. It was this time last year that I was missing him,
and wishing partly that I hadn't left.
If I could flush this month away-
but isn't it ironic that i need to call the plumber for the third time this month.
Everything at all levels is stuck,
and no one is going to fix anything so it really flows.
This baby is still here.
He holds on and needs me, so tearily, I breathe on.
I toast my toast and will myself to heat water for tea.
Thank you for the bread, Carolina. It is good like love.
Annoying, how poetry comes readily with sadness.
It might be a path to singing on a stage.
Is this really what I always wanted?
Then I shake my head but can't quite laugh,
as I know that it's not really good poetry.
Only the pitiful spiral that I am wound up in,
talking in riddles.

Her Amazing Mind

In the middle of rainy Autumn, she comes out with, "It looks like I'm getting a sunburn."
Sassy, she talks back to my directive, "Maaaybe, not".
She can scream like there is no tomorrow, but somehow tomorrow comes and she screams some more.
Her baby brother is playing, and she comments, "He is being foolish".
Today she told me, "You are not listening to me intentionally." That is the first time I have ever heard someone her age know how to use the words 'foolish' or 'intentionally', and now from her father she is actually picking up Japanese. Even I can't remember the words for hello and goodbye, but she calls them out to him as he comes and goes. Sounds something like-
"Kay talk ee moss".
After I pick the last tiny apple from our tree, she looks up at the tree and says, "Tree? May I have another apple please?" ...and then in a higher voice that signifies the voice of a tree, "No you may not, because I don't have any more apples up here."
She calls the anemones at the ocean tide pools, "Sea lemonies", and her vitamins are "vitayums". Avocados are "autocawtos", and her current favorite song is "Mama Rock Me".
Oh my, how I love this funny little girl. I may never, never figure out what makes her tick.

I Wish I Were Like a Mama Kangaroo

In psychology class, I was asked to write about an adaptation possessed by another creature, that I wish I could have. I picked the adaptation of a kangaroo pouch, easily and with little deep thought. The writing of it became more of a personal and deep journey into my head and mothering history that I would have expected. I am sharing it with you here.

Kangaroos are part of the marsupial family. All female marsupials are equipped with a marsupium, which is a pouch of skin and fur that is part of their external natural body. Kangaroos need a marsupium because they only carry their fetal young in utero for 31-36 days, equivalent to about 7 human weeks in utero. When these tiny babies, called Joeys, are born, they are only minimally developed. They are the size of a large bean, and have the ability to drag themselves through their mother’s fur, into her marsupium, using their forearms, to find her nipple on which to suckle. While suckling continuously, they develop hind legs, and grow to maturity, and after nine months, they may begin to emerge for short periods, into the world, hopping back into the pouch as needed and wanted. The marsupium contains them most of the time, while they continue to drink their mother’s milk until the age of 18 months. They finally become confident and mature enough to be completely independent of the pouch at about 235 days of age (*1).

This adaptation of an external body pouch for baby wearing seems very useful, and I would be happy to have one on my body. I have birthed five children, and one of them died as a premature infant. Two of the remaining four children were born substantially early. In the days following my most severe case of premature labor and birth, I worriedly, longingly and lovingly watched my miniscule son, who lay vulnerable in an incubator, weighing only two and a half pounds. He was born at 28 weeks, gestation, and was without fat. His skin appeared thin and semi-transparent. He had no ability to regulate his own temperature, and needed medical intervention in the form of a controlled temperature environment, forced oxygen, and feeding tubes. My desire to bond with my baby and help him thrive, led me to the discovery of “kangaroo care”. At that time, over a decade ago, kangaroo care was a somewhat uncommon and little known practice in hospital, neonatal intensive care units. The encouraged and advised care of premature babies was commonly referred to as ‘benign neglect’, and was believed to allow a premature baby to reserve their much needed energy for growth. They thought that being touched might cause energy to be unnecessarily expended.
I have always placed greater trust in my motherly instincts than in conventional medical advice. Although I listened to the doctors and nurses with respect, I knew intuitively and without a doubt, that my baby’s most basic needs were to hear me, smell me, feel me, taste me, and absorb my warmth in order to thrive. I insisted to the doctors that I be allowed to practice “kangaroo care” for regular, continually increasing hours every day and night. “Kangaroo care seeks to provide restored closeness of the newborn with mother or father by placing the infant in direct skin-to-skin contact with one of them. This ensures physiological and psychological warmth and bonding. The kangaroo position provides ready access to nourishment. The parent's stable body temperature helps to regulate the neonate's temperature more smoothly than an incubator, and allows for readily accessible breastfeeding… Typically in kangaroo care, the baby wears only a diaper and is tied in a head-up position to the mother’s bare chest with a strip of cloth in a manner that extends the baby’s head and neck to prevent apnea. The mother wears a shirt or hospital gown with opening to the front. The cloth wraps around and under the baby’s bottom to create flexion. The tight bundling is enough for the mother’s breathing and chest movement to stimulate the baby’s breathing. Because of the close confines of being attached to its mother’s chest, the baby is enclosed in a high carbon dioxide environment which also stimulates breathing. Fathers can also use the skin-to-skin contact method (*2).” Our family became well known in the neonatal unit, as we refused to leave our baby alone. I nurtured my newest addition, along with his father, his grandmother, and even his five-year-old brother. We challenged the norm, taking shifts “kangarooing” the baby all around the clock. As we held him in this fashion for more than two months, he grew, became healthier, bigger, stronger, began to breathe on his own, and took up breastfeeding much sooner than was predicted. According to research, “preterm infants who experience kangaroo care have improved cognitive development, decreased stress levels, reduced pain responses, normalized growth, and positive effects on motor development. Kangaroo care also helps to improve sleep patterns of infants, and may be a good intervention for colic. Earlier discharge from the hospital is also a possible outcome. Finally, kangaroo care helps to promote frequent breastfeeding, and can enhance mother-infant bonding…(*2). It seems that our experience is a common one. In alignment with the research findings, my premature baby is now nearly eleven years old, and indeed, has grown normally, has great motor skills and has impressive intelligence and intellectual ability.
I am very thankful that I was able to create this wonderful situation for my baby who was born under challenging circumstances, and it is due to this experience that I have come to see the adaptation of the marsupium as an advanced and much-needed attribute. With a built in pouch, caring for my premature babies have been normal and simple. Additionally, this adaptation lends itself well to my preferred method and philosophy for parenting small babies, big babies and toddlers alike. I am a strong advocate of prolonged breast-feeding and baby wearing, which are common practices of attachment parenting. I share a bed with my infants, known as “the family bed”, and buy and make all kinds of contraptions for buckling, strapping and tying my babies onto my body. I can carry them against me in various positions while maintaining free arms and hands for executing all of the tasks required in the daily life of a busy mother, often breastfeed simultaneously. This works out beautifully, but I can’t help but imagine that it would be even more convenient, healthy and comfortable if I were equipped with my own external body pouch. The benefits of baby wearing are many. At minimum, it is easy to observe that babies prefer to be held. They cry less, when they are not put down. This keeps their stress to a minimum and helps them feel safe and secure. Additionally, all babies reap health benefits from physical attachment to the mother, similarly to the benefits gleaned by a preemie in “kangaroo care”, but with added extras from the mother’s movement. “When a baby rides in a sling attached to his mother, he is in tune with the rhythm of her breathing, the sound of her heartbeat, and the movements his mother makes – walking, bending, and reaching. This stimulation helps him to regulate his own physical responses, and exercises his vestibular system, [“the three fluid filled semicircular canals and adjacent organs located next to the cochlea in each inner ear (*4, p.158)”], which controls balance. As our bodies move during pregnancy, our unborn baby is in frequent motion with us, and a continuation of this movement during infancy, continues to help a child develop balance, and an awareness of how the body relates to gravity. The vestibular system is key in this process, and is active with head movements, as “the movements of the hair cells encode these somatic sensations (*4, p. 158)”. The sling is in essence a "transitional womb" for the new baby, who has not yet learned to control his bodily functions and movements...Mechanical swings and other holding devices do not provide these same benefits (*3).”
A transitional womb is an important provision. I have heard the same information from midwives, mothers, child development experts and health professionals in support of sheltering a child during the three months following birth. During this time, the newborn baby is still very much in need of protection from the extreme stimulation and relatively harsh conditions of the world that they are born into, compared with the protective uterine environment where they originated. This time of important adjustment is known as the “fourth trimester”, and is a time when an infant is still extremely vulnerable. "When babies are first born, they don't have the brain maturity to deal with the outside world," says Jennifer McArthur, co-director of the Northwest Association for Postpartum Support. "They depend on their parents for basic survival, but also for soothing, because they just don't know how to soothe themselves until they are about 4 months old. Compared with other mammals, human infants are much more fragile and vulnerable at birth. They need constant attention and physical contact with other human beings. At the time of birth, they are unable to lift their head, move about, keep themselves warm or feed themselves -- unlike many other baby animals that are born with survival instincts that allow them to get up and walk or run as soon as they are born. Experts say human babies are born with just three basic reflexes: sucking, swallowing and breathing -- and even breathing can be irregular. This may have to do with the immaturity of the human newborn's brain, which is only about 25 percent of its adult weight at birth, while most other mammals are born having 60 percent to 90 percent of their adult brain size (*5).
During the “fourth trimester” and beyond, baby wearing and eventually toddler wearing has many plusses. Bonding is stronger and deeper between mother and child, as the child feels strongly connected, smelling the closeness of the mother, and sharing pheremones. These are “biochemical odorants emitted by other members of [a] species that can affect the animal’s behavior or physiology, parents can distinguish the smell of their own children from other people’s children. An infant can identify the smell of its mother’s breast from the smell of other mothers…and breastfeeding becomes a personal connection between mother and child (*5, p.160).” With toddlers and babies alike, overstimulation is a common cause of crying and meltdowns. Wearing a child is a way to offer warmth and a sense of safe embrace, and will often completely ward off such behaviors and feelings. Just like a young kangaroo over the age of 18 months, a human baby with a pouch for carrying is able to self-monitor their ability to deal with the stimulation of the world, taking it in with small, gradual doses. He or she can climb into warmth and safety as needed, to recharge and find comfort and security until she feels ready to test the world again. If only attachment parenting, human mothers such as myself were blessed with this adaptation, we would find the ability to warm and embrace our children with ease, and without hassle.
In all fairness, I must address the few downsides to human marsupiums that I was able to think of. Unlike baby kangaroos, human babies do not need to suckle constantly. Admittedly, they love free access to snacking on breast milk, but they tend to fall asleep and let go. If a human baby was in a loose, stretchy pouch like that of a kangaroo, there would be risk of neck injury or suffocation, because without hanging onto the nipple, the baby would tend to collapse and fold over onto itself, because of weak neck muscles. When a baby is worn with use of an adjustable, cloth contraption such as a sling or wrap, care can be taken to tie him on in a tightened and upright position. When I watched the video of a kangaroo pouch, it looked as if such tightening and position control would not be possible. Also, there are many parents out there, who do not appreciate the merits of on-demand breast feeding, and attachment parenting. Some people prefer to maintain a bit of personal space and attempt to live life on a predictable schedule. I have always felt that this is an adult-centered way of parenting, and is not keeping the baby’s emotional security in priority, but I realize that every family must choose a balance that works for them, in order to maintain order, and a feeling of personal satisfaction and sanity. If complete availability to their child is overwhelming or chaotic, then they might find their patience and happiness to be compromised, and that could negatively effect the child. These choices are personal. Someone in such a position would probably not appreciate or desire to have an adaptation to human mothers of growing a marsupium. For someone like me, it would be perfect, and it would be so furry that I wouldn’t need any expensive, bulky winter gear for my infant, either. I could just tuck him in and go!

Here are some links to you tube videos that show the marsupium in use. Anyone who loves animals will find these videos irresistable.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqO-OQ3Ec1Q This one is about a tiny, newborn joey, who would never survive outside of the pouch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qBgMmRMpOo This is about an older joey, who is considering a venture into the larger world. Notice how much room is in that pouch. Joey can just jump in and out as she feels inclined. It looks so inviting!

*Sources for my information:
1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kangaroo
2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kangaroo_care
3. http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/laura_simeon.html
4. Psychology, by Schacter, Gilbert, Wegner
5. http://www.parentmap.com/content/view/585

Daddy is a Sugar Fairy- Don't tell anybody-sshhhh

On Halloween this year, we wanted to let Reya enjoy the fun of trick-or-treating, without the health destroying sugar. The solution?
The myth of the sugar fairy. Simple and wonderful. We went trick-or-treating to gather candy for the fairy that NEEDS sugar to sustain her life. At the end of the evening, Reya was allowed to hold on to her two very favorite treats, and the rest went into a basket on the porch for a trade with the sugar fairy. The fairy came in the night and left a wrapped gift containing a set of watercolor paints (the nice, plant pigmented, natural ones of course) and a paint brush. In the morning Reya was thrilled to find her gift, with some sugar sprinkled on top, which dropped off of the fairy's wings as she beat them to gain speed for flight. Reya commented for the third time, yesterday, "Isn't it nice, Mama, that the sugar fairy knows just what I like? Can we paint again today?"
Don't you just love fairy tales? I do.

Here is a pic of the fairy on our couch, pigging out on taffy and other such treats. (Don't tell her who it really is!)