Outside in the morning

It is so nice to be fully in Spring. It is so amazing to wake up to warmth, to step outside to the garden first thing every morning, and to leave the doors and windows open. It will soon be hotter than I prefer, but for now, I am basking in Spring. When I went outside to water the plants this morning, I got distracted for quite a while, taking pictures of all sorts of things. Things are shaping up so nicely. I worked a lot outside last week, partly because the weather has been so beautiful, and partly because we moved our Sunday Woolly Mama meeting to outside, and it was my turn this week to host. I got all excited to set things up prettily on my deck, do some weeding and planting, etc., to make my space inviting. Things have a long way to go, yet I am starting to see the beginnings of paradise in my little plot of rented space outside the back door.I cleaned and set up my fountain on the table on the deck. My friend Christine gave it to me, and I really like it. It used to be indoors, but it has a bit of a noisy motor which annoyed Mystery Man, plus he's not crazy about the look of it, so I put it out in my back yard haven.I got the idea to put the shell full of glass pieces at the bottom to catch another tier of water. I am pleased with the effect.My friend Sonja gave me this plant when I visited her in the Oregon Coastal Range of mountains a few years back. I love when it starts to come to life again in the Spring, after dying off in the Winter. It always makes me think of her and smile. I love my friends. This too is on my deck.

I went a little crazy with the camera. I am trying to figure out some of the more complex settings. I had been using the 'auto' setting, but today I put it on manual to see what I could do. I managed to get two pretty different effects photographing this huge, magnificent weed flower that grew spontaneously and uninvited in one of my cold frames. I was tempted to pull it a few weeks ago when it just looked like some kind of unusual grass, but it was so pretty and exotic looking that I decided to leave it. Now that it is flowering, I am glad I did! I wish I knew what it was called. Anyway, I don't know how I did this one, but the photo turned out cool.
Speaking of weeds, there are far too many of these (below) growing around. They are taking over the world, I think. My friend told me she offered to pay her kids two cents per yellow dandelion flower they pulled, and they came in with over seven hundred all from her normal sized suburban yard in one day. Amazing. They are happy looking, and I think it made a beautiful picture.

My potatoes are coming up. Soon I will top them with more leaves and another cedar box. I will eventually grow the tasty tubers vertically in numerous stacked, open bottomed, cedar boxes. I used to do this in stacks of old tires in my old Eugene, Oregon gardening days. Cedar seems more organic.
I finally put my Gooseberry bush in the ground. I like the way it looks with the stripes of light coming through the fence. It was my present from Mystery Man. I have never had a gooseberry, so it should be interesting. The tag said it will grow to be five or six feet tall. Suprising, since it is such a little shrub right now.
A solitary speckled oak leaf lettuce seed from last summer seeded itself on the wrong side of the garden edge. I haven't planted any lettuce this year at all, and was wishing I had, so this little independent soul is welcome.
I planted several strawberry starts. It will be hard to wait until next year for berries. The lady at the Creekside Nursery said to pinch off all of the flowers this year and not let it produce fruit for a more abundant crop in seasons to come. Self control will be difficult, but I suspect it will pay off richly. I just hope we keep renting this place long enough to make it worth it. I can alway dig them up if I have to.
There is a huge patch of poppies in the Southeast corner of my yard, just getting ready to bloom into their bright orange glory. They were fabulous last year, so I look forward to watching the colors pop. They are very neat looking now, as the flowers form. I like the furry look that they have, and the way that the flowers-to-be bend in waiting.
Finally the chives have begun to bloom. They are tasty and beautiful. The kids like to pick and munch them when they are out playing. It gives them stinky breath. I am surprised that they like the spicy flavor.

This one has been in teething misery. Her second top front tooth is pushing and she is frankly unable to contain her irritation. No worries. I promptly removed the small, chokable object from her drooling mouth after taking the cute picture.

She is happy one minute,

and whiny and grouchy the next. Poor little Dr. Jeckle-

-trying to cope, and such sore gums. She has been clasping the fingers of both hands together and wacking her upper gums with the back of one hand and wrist. She talks at the same time and it sounds like "Adelad-alattle-ad-alattle". So pitiful. She bites me alot right now. Patience.
Her dear oldest brother has been so good to her. He is an absolutely wonderful help and she loves him dearly. So do I.

Mystery Man's mom brought over a great find from a garage sale. I am so excited. I don't know whether to use it for rabbits or convert it into a chicken house. I would be happy with either or both. I haven't been looking for something like this for a long time. She got for five bucks. Such a bargain driver, that woman. I love it!


This photo is not of our car (well it is, but that's not the point). Look closely. That is a wasp on the INSIDE of our window. Not a big deal, except that is the fourth one in the house in just a few days. They like to fly inside of shirts through the arm holes, and they fly at my head, too. Agressive and freaky.

I have been developing a nasty habit of blogging at midnight. I need to turn out the light. I think I will.

Moon Blood Red Mother Moon

I just returned from a beautiful gathering. It was a moon party for a young woman who just began her menstrual cycle. I have not had such a nice time at a party in a very long time. It was all women- a few teenagers, but only those who have begun to bleed, of course. There were about 20 of us, and two babies (mine and another). We all wore red for obvious reasons. The evening started with a really good pot-luck, and we were all adorned by the honoree with jewels on our third eye. We went into the ritual space, and sat in a circle. A bowl of beads was passed, and as we chose a bead to string on a cord, we each told a story about the beginning of our menstrual cycle, it's continuation, or about womanhood in general. We then drummed for quite a while. We sang "Oh mama" (an african song) and "Young Rider, Apple cheeked one", as that is her favorite song. We all pampered her, painting her toenails in red, massaging her shoulders, braiding her hair with red ribbons, decorating her hands, feet and ankles with henna tattoos, etc. We passed around a journal, into which we wrote advice and blessings for her to keep as a moon journal, and then passed plates of dessert. A round, moon-like cherry pie, chocolate covered strawberries, brownies, and the best thing-- cookies in the shape of yonis, with raspberry jam filled centers. Also we had delicious berry-honey mead and red wine. One of the labels of wine was "Bitch", perfect for a woman on the rag. Her father picked it out for the event, all though he was not allowed to attend. We all talked and laughed about bleeding, the pros and cons of pads, tampons, the wonderful diva cup, sitting and bleeding onto a towel in a moon lodge, etc. There was much discussion about condoms and birth control, fertility, the cycle, hormonal patterns and feelings of sensuality and increased intuition corresponding with the cycle, and other womanly subjects. It was all so intimate and sweet, full of laughter, celebration, good humor and reverence. What a healthy way to transition into womanhood with the love and support of your community. How amazing to have all of your questions answered openly without awkwardness or shame. How mature she seemed, being initiated into a roomful of women, and being recognized and praised as an adult and as a female full of potential, beauty, sexuality and mystery. I am excited to continue this tradition with my own daughter one day! I feel honored to have been invited, and lucky to be a part of such an amazing circle.yoni

Are you my Mother?

I used to read this book to my boys when they were smaller. It's about a little bird who hatches in the absence of it's mother and goes searching for her. As it walks along, it asks everything it runs into; animals, a car, a tractor, etc, "are you my mother?". They all reply, "No, I am not your mother, I am a________(whatever each thing is). I feel, after a non-relaxing and rather busy and exhausting Mother's Day weekend during which I did a lot of Mothering, a distinct commonality to this lost hatchling. A deep sense of questioning and longing- where is my mother?, and as an adult with overwhelming responsibility and as a mother who is in such demand, how may I find the care and nurture that one feels when under the wing of their Mother? In actuality, I know where my mother is physically located, (I spoke to her on the telephone last night) but on an emotional level, as well as on a practical day-to-day-I-need-help level, I cry out, "WHERE IS MY MOTHER"?

The day before Mother's Day was full, busy and very productive. We went to a children's clothing exchange in the morning, and found some nice things for my kids while getting rid of a bag of outgrown things that we were finished with. Clothing exchanges are the best. Lots of women in this town have them for us clothing crazed, adult females, and they are always insanely crowded and remind me of scavenger birds attacking for survival. It's not quite that bad- I am exagerating, but the one I went to last month was at a friend's house, and there were at least 30 women digging aggressively through many piles of clothes in every room of her house, and getting very excited about the treasures they were finding. I have a hard time in crowds since I have some sort of protective instinct over my baby and prefer calm, spacious and quieter situations. Of course I end up going anyway, because I am a woman, and I do love new clothes.
Anyway, this was the first children's exchange I have been to, and it was much mellower and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Son #2 picked out some funny items, which show his distinctive personality and style. Yellow crocs with one orange backstrap. High wasted suspender pants with a green and black, checkered pattern, etc.
Here he is, sweeping up leaves to add to our worm bin as bedding.
After the clothing swap, we went and bought a 5 gallon bucket full of red worms to put in our vermi-composting bin which we completed this weekend. This project has been going on for a long time, so I am proud to say that we now have worms as the newest pets in the family.
He worked so hard at filling the bin with leaves, after son #1 put in a lot of shredded newspaper that he soaked in water.
We used the big garbage can to tear the paper into and stirred it around with water from the hose, squeezed it out a little and added it to the bin. Then the paper and leaves got mixed together with our hands.
And finally, it was ready for the worms.
The two of them dumped the contents of the bucket into the bin, and spread it evenly through the three sections.
Camera shy, Son #1 who has been stealing and wearing all of my hoodies lately, succesfully ducked out of the picture once again.
Ha, I finally got one. This time I asked nicely, saying that I want to document that he was a part of this, and he showed me his sweet face. He is such a cute boy!

Baby was somewhat unhappy during this whole process. She was going through some hardcore teething (I found her first top tooth- the front left one, poking out of the gums that night. It is her third tooth, total.) She was also in need of a nap.

And here they are, crawling around in their new home, in a hurry to snuggle down in the bedding, away from the sunlight! Welcome wormies, we will feed you much garbage.

The boys had fun holding their new pets. I did, too.

On Friday, Mystery Man and his Mom brought me an early gift of garden starts, a Gooseberry bush and a nice cactus. This is the first gift he has ever given me in all of the time I have known him. He is somewhat philosophically against gift giving, I think. It is pretty special, because it is such a rare thing. If I ever move, I will have to dig up the berry bush and move it with me. I couldn't bear to leave it behind. As for the cactus, which he picked out carefully for me, I will put it in a pot which will be very moveable!

Mother's Day morning I got up at 7AM and made a big brunch for Mystery Man's Mom, which we brought to their house later that morning and ate with them. We took a walk around their neighborhood in the afternoon and stopped by Fossil Creek garden center. I found some woolly creeping thyme, which I planted in my perennial garden today. I love it. I think it will be beautiful when it spreads. It reminds me a little of moss, but it needs less watering and can live in Colorado. I will take a picture of the perennial bed, when I finish weeding and planting. It still needs a lot of work. I am planning to put in some strawberries starts that we bought the other day, too. Son #1 gave me a gift certificate worth him cooking me two weekend breakfasts whenever I choose. I look forward to using it!
Later on Mother's Day when I was out weeding the garden with the kids, my friend Suzanne stopped by (I mentioned her in another recent post- she is pregnant and we have only recently gotten to know each other) and brought me a tomato plant and some chocolates with a beautiful Mother's Day card full of touching words. I was so surprised. What an incredibly loving gesture. We are becoming good friends and I am thrilled about it.

Saw a beautiful Iris about to bloom on my walk today. So pretty.

Iris the Artistic Cat

Beautifully leafed perennials emerge and unfurl in the outdoor garden.



Blades of grass and other bits of wild have begun to thrive in my garden. I will need to weed and thin.


Red Orach (I think that is how it is spelled?- it's like red spinach, and very tasty) reseeded itself from last year and is quickly growing taller than the tiny sprouts of broccoli that I planted from seed several weeks ago.


The peas are finally up. They took so long that I thought they weren't coming. I should have had more faith.


Indoor seedlings arisen and wonderfully alive!

Hibiscus





Oregano

and... EWWWW. Brace yourself-

Cat Poo.

I know this is obnoxious to make any one look at, but I feel oddly compelled.
Here is what my cat, who used to be very well behaved, leaves for me each day. I am so disgusted. She does it about a foot in front of her litter box on the laundry room floor, if I fail to leave the door to the backyard open, like on a cold day. It doesn't seem to be about the cleanliness factor of her litter. She just doesn't care to poo in it any more. Only pee. This gift of the day from Iris seems more artistic than usual. It is the most interestingly shaped poo I have ever seen out of her. It is almost sculptural. I have been thinking she is slipping in her manners and behavior. Maybe she is simply expressing herself creatively. It stinks.

I got talked into driving to Longmont yesterday with Mystery Man, because he said we could do some desperately needed grocery shopping on the way home. It wasn't fun. We missed our exit on the interstate and drove an extra half hour or so, baby was uncomfortable and bored in the car, crying inconsolably for a long time. No toy would keep her entertained for more than a minute. I kept having to lean my boob over her car seat to nurse, which attracts attention of high-up passing truckers, and hurts my back. Even the nursing didn't really sooth her. The point of the trip was to look at a car that is for sale. We got there, and the car was clearly not well maintained, so we spent a valuable $15 or so in gas for nothing. I was starving and we didn't have time to stop for lunch because getting lost made Mystery Man almost late for work (no grocery shopping after all). The whole trip was hot, stuffy, full of hassles and miserable. Why go searching for a car? A subject that has been causing much grief between us these days. He is determined to get a car for himself to convert into a home of sorts. He wants to keep all his stuff in it and drive it around, parking it in various places, and sleeping out in the wild. He wants to be a purposefully self-made hobo, out of the loop of money and working for money, out of the system of land ownership and rent paying, away from the holds of the agricultural system which he believes was a big mistake of history and disruptive to the original hunter-gatherer lifestyle. He is of the philosophy of anarcho-primitivism and rewilding. He tries to sooth me by telling me he won't be a full time hobo, and not immediately, mind you. I am supposed to be adjusting to the idea while he prepares a vehicle and gets ready to slowly transition to such a life starting in about a year. He asks me to be flexible and okay with it. He promises he will come home (to my home) often- maybe even daily, to see our baby, take her if I need to work or do something without her, and sleep in bed with me some nights when I miss him and ask him to. He promises he will be available by cell phone, and that this is just a different but workable version of a healthy partnership and relationship. He is sure that this is an appropriate and fine situation for a good parenting relationship. I am welcome of course to bring the family and join him in the wild whenever I want if I feel so inclined. I am having a lot of trouble with all of it. Why did I agree to go to Longmont with him, I ask myself? Why do I waffle between support for his goals and anger over my dissatisfaction with them? Can't we just go back to the plan that I was comfortable with, where we save together for a Honda mini-van that we share, all live under one roof, and grow the preschool together as baby gets old enough to enjoy it? To me this sounds happy, healthy and whole. To him torture. Does working a daily grind at a progressive food co-op really equate to selling his soul? I know when I believe in something, I have no choice but to live in integrity, so I try to empathize, yet this feels like a sad and difficult change to me, no matter how I try to look at it.

Wanting to be reasonable and progressive, but not so sure I need to be tolerating this.

Busy and beautiful day

Today I went to 'Mama Sing' with baby and a relatively new but quickly becoming close, pregnant friend. It was a warm day with a gently breeze, so we were able to sit outside and sing together. It is nice that way because the children can run around and play while the women sing. There were lots of good songs, but the one that really resonated with me today, which we sang by my request, was

One spirit in the dark, like a candle wavers,
Many spirits joined as one, burn like the power of the blazing sun.
There is strength in community, the circle empowering you and me.
The circle binds yet sets us free, in the Goddess name so mote it be.



Wow, do I need my community right now. I am so thankful for the amazing women in my life, and I don't know what I would do without them. When my insides feel like winter, I have warmth around me, radiating.

After chanting, my friend and I went to lunch at Avagadro's Number, better known locally as Avos. It was tempeh Tuesday, so the tempeh burgers were two for one. Yum. They make their own tempeh there, and it is hands down, the best tempeh I've had, anywhere. I am not sure if it is Organic, and I keep forgetting to find out. I think part of me doesn't want to know, in case it isn't, because it would spoil it for me a little. We sat there and talked over burgers and lemonade for probably two hours, and it got kinda deep. It was really nice.

I am currently addicted to lemonade. I have to have it every day. I had it with lunch and dinner today, and yesterday, I bought 12 lemons, hand juiced them, and mixed the juice with agave nectar and water for my own, pulpy, fresh lemonade. I can't wait to go have a glass before bed when I finish blogging.

I went to a modern dance class later in the evening, while baby's Grandma took care of her. It is really close by, at City Park, in Club Tico. It was good, but she cried a lot, so they came and got me, and I left early. I didn't mind, since I was tired from a long day, and staying up late cleaning the house the night before. I felt bad for my little one, who was missing me so much that she had the post-crying tremors and sad sounds for a long time afterward. I am hoping that it was just a hard day for her, and that she won't mind if I keep going to a weekly hour and fifteen minutes of class in the future. I so enjoy it. This is a modern dance class, but in reality, I am a ballerina at heart. I will take ballet next, as this was the final modern class of the session.

Mystery man and I tried the new Ethiopian restaurant tonight. It was recently opened by our neighbor, Hana( I am not sure of how she spells it), and she hooked us up with a discounted meal. It is called Ras-Ka, and it is really delicious. She used to just make the sauce, and sell it, and I really like that. Now she has a whole tiny little food joint. Even better.

After dinner we went to the recycling center and recycled in the dark. It is harder than it sounds. I think I may have left remnants in the trunk of the car that I couldn't see. I'll find out tomorrow. We made it in just before it closed. A police officer came and said, "howya doin' ma'am", and sat there in his car waiting for me to finish dumping my stuff so he could close the gates. Baby was overtired and still in a sensitive mood, so she cried loudly the whole time. Between her wailing, the dark, and the police, it was a stressful few minutes.

Time f0r lemonade then sleep.

Happy Beltaine- Celebrate and make fertile your heart!

The fires of Beltane kindle the night reflecting the Green Man’s glance
His lady Queen of the May delights us all with her spiral dance

"Follow me to the source of all" he said "I am eternal fire"
"Come with me to the source of all" she said "I am your heart’s desire"

"Enter these enchanted woods, you who dare",

This is no ordinary nature trail!

Weep with the willow;

Quake with fear at the witch in the elder;

Let the holly tree lead you to your true love!