There's the forest.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Are you listening openly, really? Think again. (questioning myself)
Sometimes I am so foolishly sure that I know what I think about everything. I also continue on with this idea that I am listening to others, and that I am considering their thoughts and ideas with an open mind and heart. The trouble is, I think this, even while forgetting to open them (the rusted shut mind and heart). I just keep thinking, " I'm so open minded", and "I'm a pretty good listener", while I forget to actively be those things. Instead, I lock myself up, thinking about what I am sure that I KNOW. I default to auto-listen and filter all information through my little soap box position. Often I am wrong when I assume things about others, but it takes me a really long time to realize that what seem like very foreign philosophies are uncannily more similar to my own than I could have imagined. Then I feel bad. I feel bad for not listening with my whole self, for being too stuck, for being a know-it-all, for separating "me" and "you", or "us" and "them". It is really good when someone points out in a very kind way, what a jerk I'm being, and that it would help if I'd listen and stop talking. I get defensive and it causes a temporarily faltering in my ego (as well as a noisy and emotional debate). I have to think, "maybe I don't look or sound so admirable", and "what if someone thinks I'm doing a terrible job at the things that I am trying to do best in life". Then I start listening, reconsidering, learning, and remembering my humility. Thank goodness.
There's the forest.
I frequently miss it through all those trees.
There's the forest.
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5 comments:
Humility and willingness to accept what is, what you are, what others are as neither negative nor positive.
and What happened? What got you thinking?
I love you, Ani. <3
I'm just sending you and your babies love. I have complete faith in you. I am listening (reading) to your words here.
Andi- Nothing happened per say, except for a surprising and emotionally charged conversation with a good friend. We worked through it, but I noticed how closed I am on certain issues. I am pretty deep into my attachment parenting/gentle discipline/Waldorf Education/purity lifestyle, and when other ideas come up, I am way too eager to prove my point. Not good. I also forget sometimes, how it is to be around others who have a strong, Christian standpoint. This describes most of my family and childhood friends, as it is my history, as well. I am quite surrounded right now, and feel many emotions: out-of-place, alone in my philosophies, afraid of their judgement, resistant to evangelism and conversion efforts, a desire to find common ground and just have a good time together, a need for acceptance and understanding, and above all, an intense loneliness for others who share my ways to spend time with. I'm in Eugene, for Goddess sake- where are all you pagan mamas and papas with cloth diapers, bikes and carts, organic food and songs to sing? Please come out so I can find you!
Thanks for your love and faith, Ivy. Thanks also for reading, and letting me know that you are here for me. I appreciate your listening eyes as you "hear" me. I do try to be as good as I can in this life.
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